Compassionate Accompaniment through Springs In the Desert
Couples carrying the cross of infertility are in our families, among our friends, and in our pews. They need to know that they have many gifts that can bear fruit in the Diocese of Lansing, that their marriages are life-giving in many beautiful ways, and that God has not abandoned them—and neither have we.
"Struggling with infertility and miscarriage is a great burden for couples, especially when they so deeply desire to live out their vocation to welcome the gift of children from God. All may seem hopeless. In moments such as these, remember that despite infertility, couples 'can have a married life that is filled with love and meaning.' Throughout this struggle, the husband and wife can turn to the Lord God of all creation and ask that His will be done. This great act of faith, accompanied by striving to seek ways to live the fruitfulness of their conjugal union, including prayerful discernment about adoption or foster parenting, will fortify spouses and help them live their vocation in the love of the Holy Spirit."
-U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops
Infertility is a burden most couples don’t expect to carry. Infertility often feels like a long and lonely path. But you are not alone! As a Catholic infertility ministry, Springs in the Desert is more than just a ministry; it is a place of respite, solidarity, and encouragement – wherever you are on the path of infertility, or in the experience of pregnancy loss. Springs in the Desert has created a community built on faith in Christ and His good plan of fruitfulness for each one of us.
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Infertility Myths, Debunked
Myth: A couple can't be considered a family until they have children.
- Truth: A man and a woman become a family on the day they are united in marriage. “Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 DRA). Moreover, the Catholic Church recognizes a family, with or without children, as the domestic church.
Myth: Infertility is rare.
- Truth: Approximately 1 in 5 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy (CDC).
Myth: Infertility is a female issue.
- Truth: “Infertility affects men and women equally,” writes the Society of Reproductive Surgeons, continuing, “In approximately 40 percent of infertile couples, the male partner is either the sole cause or a contributing cause of infertility” (SRS, “FAQ Quick Facts About Infertility”). According to the NIH, about “one-third of infertility cases are caused by male reproductive issues, one-third by female reproductive issues, and one-third by both male and female reproductive issues or by unknown factors” (NIH.gov, “How common is male infertility, and what are its causes?”, citing the CDC).
Myth: Having a child means you won't have fertility problems in the future.
- Truth: Secondary infertility, or difficulty conceiving after having a child, is a common issue that affects millions of couples. Approximately 11% of couples in the United States are affected by secondary infertility. Various factors, including age and health changes, can contribute to secondary infertility.
Myth: Infertility grief isn't "real grief."
- Truth: Women experiencing infertility have emotional stress and depression levels “equivalent to . . . cancer, cardiac rehabilitation and hypertension patients” (Domar AD et al). Infertility comes with its own particular grief, which is an appropriate emotional response to losses in general (not just death). More specifically, infertility often involves the losses of dreams, plans, goals, life experiences, community, and a sense of belonging.
Myth: Infertility is always fixable.
- Truth: "Permanent infertility affects 4-5% of people in the fertile age," (PubMed). NaPro Technology has been life-changing for many, offering ethical, restorative approaches to treating infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but many couples may still suffer from unresolved and unexplained infertility after seeking treatment. A compassionate and non-judgmental approach to such couples is crucial, and the Church must support them in living out their marital fruitfulness through spiritual motherhood and fatherhood.
A Prayer for Those in a Season of Infertility
Heavenly Father, please bless your sons and daughters who are experiencing infertility and loss. Today we ask that they will have a deep sense of Your love for them – and their marriage – and a renewed trust that You are leading them on this path.
We also pray that family members and friends of couples carrying the cross of infertility will be given renewed graces to accompany their loved ones. May suffering couples feel Your presence through their faithful accompaniment.
Finally, we pray for our priests, pastoral ministers and healthcare providers. May they always do Your work in the world as they too deepen in the understanding that new life is a gift from You, our Heavenly Father.
Amen.